I have my Nintendo Switch.
My friend Rachel just stopped by to visit.
She brought me some crafts, emergency hair ties, and a book.
As well as her love, her larger-than-life smile, and a desperately needed conversation.
I call to place my lunch order after she leaves.
And resume my place on the couch in my room.
I have played Tears of the Kingdom five times over now,
not to completion, but just skidding around.
By the time I reach the Gerudo Tower
My lunch arrives.
A janitor wipes the mop back and forth across the threshold
“Can I get your room, ma’am?” He calls
“Of course! Come on in!”
I wish he’d stay and tell me about his day.
But I lift my feet, and he gets all the crumbs and tells me I will be okay.
Gable arrives in the evening.
We both order quesadillas. I ordered him chocolate ice cream and myself pudding.
We go to Starbucks and order two chocolate croissants and a venti chamomile tea.
I will pay $20 for the excuse to walk down a flight of stairs and hold my husband’s hand in public.
I would pay my body’s worth to get home to the kids.
What is the going rate on that nowadays?
I can’t think about this hospital bill.
I can’t eat anything after midnight.
We pace around each other.
The doctors and RN’s fade in and out.
No confirmed surgery time.
“You are an ADD ON”
They tell me.
Nothing is certain.
But there is nowhere else to go.
Head Nurse Leela rolls the computer in at 9:00 p.m.
She gives me a plastic cup with pills, and I flush it down the hatch.
She looks precariously at my seltzers and water and promises to return at midnight to take them away.
NOTHING after midnight.
She approaches my left arm and connects the plastic wire to the IV.
Push the period through my veins.
“You are so close, my dear! Tomorrow is the day!” She smiles.
Nothing is certain.
There is nowhere else to go.
Kathlyn Ramsey Moore 